A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i now understand why vodka
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
