we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
accomplished twins. life is a go
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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