Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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