We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
