Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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