I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
