My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
