I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
