Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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