Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
too bad you live with your parents still
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
