mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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