So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
