if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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