ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
