ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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