Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
