i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
