I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
