Screwed.edu
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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