Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
