Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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