I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
