Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
