so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
