I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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