how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
