i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
