yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
