i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
