There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Randomize
