gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize