then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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