I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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