Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My feet surprised me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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