I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
