Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
