Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
