The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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