she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
