lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
