i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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