There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
