you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
