Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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