i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize