I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
