see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
