I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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