Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize