i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
