i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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