Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
