I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
