can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
