So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
