Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize