Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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