I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
