24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
