I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize