Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
