I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
