my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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