did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
