Ambien. No doubt about it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
