I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
