i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
