Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
