Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
