I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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